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 COLUMN
A world with UCITA may allow fine print to outweigh the right thing THE CONVERSATION WE'RE about to hear could be occurring right now in real life, except we're going to imagine that a certain law relating to software transactions is already well-established throughout the country.
Caller: John, I recently bought a new SUV equipped with your tires. Now I'm seeing on the Internet that people are having accidents because of problems with these tires, so naturally I'm a bit concerned about this. Agent: Sir, Firebridge Tires is aware of those reports. I want to assure you we are investigating, and when we identify the people responsible for those reports, we will prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law. Caller: Prosecute them? No, you don't understand -- experts are saying that your tires can blow out for no reason. I'm calling because I assumed there might be some sort of recall. Agent: There's no recall, sir. Under the license by which Firebridge grants you the right to operate with our tires on your vehicle, you agree to a standard nondisclosure clause. It's stated very clearly in our license that any public criticism of our product's performance is prohibited. This type of clause is a very common term used in software licenses for years and is authorized by UCITA -- the Uniform Computer Information Transactions Act. Caller: License? Software? I'm talking about tires here, not computer software. Agent: It's possible you failed to notice our license, sir. It's printed very conspicuously on the inside tire wall of each unit, and you should have little trouble reading it with a standard magnifying glass. Sir, our tires are very high-tech, and they contain a great deal of Firebridge's intellectual property over which we must retain control. So they are not sold to you as goods. What you purchased with your SUV was the limited right to use four copies of our product. Of course, your vehicle is also a very high-tech product, sir -- in fact, it meets UCITA's definition of a computer. Our tires are therefore an integral part of a computer information system, and we can choose to have them covered by a license under UCITA. Caller: I don't care about this legal mumbo jumbo. These tires are faulty, and I want to return them. What if I get killed because one of them blows out on me? Does Firebridge want to be responsible for that? Agent: Firebridge always puts the welfare of its customers first. Should your estate prove in an arbitration hearing that you were killed due to a flaw in our product, we would happily refund the price of the defective tire. Caller: Come on, you can't do that. Even with software I have to be given the chance to read the license and to return the product if I disagree with the terms. Agent: Yes, sir, but only if you haven't first manifested your assent to our license by driving the car anywhere. If you'll check the documentation that came in your SUV's glove compartment, you'll see you were notified of your responsibility to read the license terms for all components of the car before driving it off the lot. Caller: If you won't take the tires back, I guess I'll just have to go back to the dealer. Agent: Sir, neither the OEM in Detroit nor the dealer is responsible for your legal and binding agreement with us. If you check, I think you'll find you have similar license agreements with them that are also covered by UCITA. If you would read all your licenses first, sir, you'll see they cancel any other warranties that may have been expressed to you. Caller: This is insane. You can point at this crazy law all you want, but there are other laws in this country, and some of them protect consumers from this kind of nonsense. Agent: Of course, Firebridge respects all applicable consumer protection laws. But most such laws apply to sales of goods, and as I've explained this is not a sale but a license. Also, I should point out that if you use this vehicle to go to work, you are using our product for business purposes and this is therefore not a consumer transaction under UCITA. Caller: I don't believe this. There is absolutely nothing that's high-tech or even electronic about a tire. This UCITA thing can't possibly apply. Agent: Actually, sir, our tires do contain a very sophisticated electronic device -- our Electronic Self-Help Deflator. We're very proud of it. Should the ESHD detect any violation of our license through your use of our product, such as having the tires rotated by a repair shop not authorized by Firebridge, it automatically sets the valve in deflate mode. It's entirely for your protection, of course -- you wouldn't want to be driving around in noncompliance, now would you? Thank you for calling Firebridge customer service. It's been a pleasure to serve you. Got a complaint about how a vendor is treating you? Contact InfoWorld's reader advocate, Ed Foster , at gripe@infoworld.com. Discuss this article in our online forums MORE > SPONSORED WHITE PAPERS 
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